when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
