god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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