My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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