So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
