I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize