why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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