I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm always down for nudity.
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