so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
