I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
