i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
