worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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