I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
