I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
