Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
