You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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