Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everything about him screamed your future.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
