I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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