I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
