strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
