That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
