Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
