I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
