i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
