I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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