That's when you crack a 10am beer
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
smell my finger.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
