My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
