Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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