hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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