her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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