Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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