I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
