What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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