so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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