Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
