I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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