I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
