Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
