i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize