dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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