Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
