just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
