Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
