btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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