it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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