Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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