Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize