I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
