i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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