the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
