We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
