so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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