I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
