whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You have to summon your inner elephant
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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