Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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