Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
