All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
