My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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