he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
