Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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