So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
