I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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