The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
