It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
