i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
