my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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