Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
