I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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