did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize