I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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