The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's blow job season.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
