despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
