I wish I could punch you in the face.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it glows. i had to have it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize