How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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