he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
