walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize