i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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