I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
