i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm too high and old for this...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
