It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
