I feel like abortions should bother me more
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
