I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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