Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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